Tuesday, September 9, 2008
you just dont know what to expect do you?
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COLLECTION OF JOKES GALORE-----LAUGH YOUR WAY TO FREEDOM.(http://www.greatestjokesonline.blogspot.com)
when an actress promise to ride on a horse down new york to advertise a film about ladt Godiva, the streets where jam packed with innocent bystanders and dignitaries.it has been long since any one had seen a horse.
james is one of those that most keep to orders.He saw a sign in the park saying "keep off the grass"----so he walked on the flower beds.
a very angry mother took her young son,Henry to see a famous surgeon."Doctor" she exploded,"can a lad of thirteen perform an operation for appendicitis on himself? the doctor laughed and shook his head wisely. the lady slapped her son across the face and shouted"so now, who was right? you put it right back".
a certain store keeper reported a fire in his establishment the very day he signed a new fire insurance policy. the company suspected fraud, but had no proof.the only thing the manager could do was to write the policy-holder the following note:"sir,you took out an insurance policy from us at 10:00am an your fire did not break out until 10:30am. will you please explain the reason for the delay?"
after performing some hair raising acrobatics, the pilot turned to his companion and said:"i bet half the people down there thought we where going to crash." 'half the people up here thought so too,"came the reply.
a teacher recieved a letter from the mother of one of her pupils:"dear miss,please dont give johnny any more homework. that sum about how long it would take a man to walk fifty times round the city caused his father to lose a days jwork. and after he"d walked it you still marked the sum wronged."
a man who smoked 100 cigarettes day went to the doctor with a racking cough and a sore throat. he could hardly speak. pointing to his throat he said hoarsely:"doc, cigarettes." the doctor said:" smoking them?" and the man replied:"No-- asking for them."
comment by rival when screen actor played dual role in pictures:"he had achieved his ambition t last to---co-star with himself."
a friend of mine ha been seeing a lot of my wife.The other day i said to him:"now see here,fred--this is my last warning:stop fooling around with my wife or am going to let ou have her."
A party of people where travelling by train and discussing why british rail was losing money.one old gentleman said it was due to faulty management.A lady in the corner thought it was due to too many people being employed.Another man thought it was due to laziness of the staff.Anotherwas about to give her opinion when they heard the ticket inspector coming and they all dive under the seats where i had been all along anyway.
written by MAYOWA OLUFEMI ALABI http;//www.proffessor-mayowa.blogspot.com
(visit http://www.saintmayor.blogspot.com and http://www.leaders-mayor.blogspot.com for more of best jokes)
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when an actress promise to ride on a horse down new york to advertise a film about ladt Godiva, the streets where jam packed with innocent bystanders and dignitaries.it has been long since any one had seen a horse.
james is one of those that most keep to orders.He saw a sign in the park saying "keep off the grass"----so he walked on the flower beds.
a very angry mother took her young son,Henry to see a famous surgeon."Doctor" she exploded,"can a lad of thirteen perform an operation for appendicitis on himself? the doctor laughed and shook his head wisely. the lady slapped her son across the face and shouted"so now, who was right? you put it right back".
a certain store keeper reported a fire in his establishment the very day he signed a new fire insurance policy. the company suspected fraud, but had no proof.the only thing the manager could do was to write the policy-holder the following note:"sir,you took out an insurance policy from us at 10:00am an your fire did not break out until 10:30am. will you please explain the reason for the delay?"
after performing some hair raising acrobatics, the pilot turned to his companion and said:"i bet half the people down there thought we where going to crash." 'half the people up here thought so too,"came the reply.
a teacher recieved a letter from the mother of one of her pupils:"dear miss,please dont give johnny any more homework. that sum about how long it would take a man to walk fifty times round the city caused his father to lose a days jwork. and after he"d walked it you still marked the sum wronged."
a man who smoked 100 cigarettes day went to the doctor with a racking cough and a sore throat. he could hardly speak. pointing to his throat he said hoarsely:"doc, cigarettes." the doctor said:" smoking them?" and the man replied:"No-- asking for them."
comment by rival when screen actor played dual role in pictures:"he had achieved his ambition t last to---co-star with himself."
a friend of mine ha been seeing a lot of my wife.The other day i said to him:"now see here,fred--this is my last warning:stop fooling around with my wife or am going to let ou have her."
A party of people where travelling by train and discussing why british rail was losing money.one old gentleman said it was due to faulty management.A lady in the corner thought it was due to too many people being employed.Another man thought it was due to laziness of the staff.Anotherwas about to give her opinion when they heard the ticket inspector coming and they all dive under the seats where i had been all along anyway.
written by MAYOWA OLUFEMI ALABI http;//www.proffessor-mayowa.blogspot.com
(visit http://www.saintmayor.blogspot.com and http://www.leaders-mayor.blogspot.com for more of best jokes)
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https://www.paypal.com/row/mrb/pal=P27U3REA3KTYS
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TRAINING YOUR DOG THE RIGHT WAY....by Mayowa Alabi http://www.mistermayowa.blogspot.com
This article will look at each technique in more detail to help you decide which training technique is right for you and your dog. Training your dog is very important if you want to have a well behaved dog. Your dog is a member of the family and like other members of the family he must learn the rules of the household. There are basically three techniques for training your dog. They are the traditional dog training, positive reinforcement training and mixed training techniques.
The traditional training techniques have been around since World War I because it was developed to train war dogs. This type of training employs the techniques of negative reinforcement and punishment. Shock collars or prong collars are frequently used in this type of training. The traditional techniques have the advantage of giving consistent results. However, each dog has their own personality and you must be careful when you use these techniques because you could end up with a dog that bites you or becomes scared of you. This is not the goal in dog training. The goal is to get your dog to obey your commands.
The next type of dog training is the positive reinforcement method. This method involves rewarding the dog every time he exhibits the correct behavior. When he sits on command you will praise him and give him a treat. If he doesn't sit when commanded you do nothing. Some dog trainers swear by positive reinforcement techniques. They say the dog learns faster and more consistently with this type of training. A method that is popular to use in conjuction with positive reinforcement is clicker training. A clicker is a device that makes a "clicking" sound when squeezed. The clicker is used to mark the exact moment the dog performed the desired behavior. This type of training is enjoyable for both the owner and the dog.
The third popular dog training technique is the mixed training technique which is a combination of negative and positive reinforcement. This type of training is used frequently to train dogs for specific roles, such as attack dogs or protection dogs.
Another method that is coming to light is the use of canine ethology. This is not really classified as training, but is based upon the natural behaviors of the dog. The premise is to assert yourself as the leader of the pack. You must become the alpha dog whom all the other dogs in the pack submit to. This is done through proper body language and sounds. There is no concrete evidence that this works and more studies need to be performed.
It is very important that you know what you are doing before you start any dog training program. Get a few good dog training books written by someone who has been in the business for awhile. Follow the advice in the books and keep your training sessions short and consistent. Most of all, show your dog love and affection.
contributed by Mayowa olufemi Alabi http://www.saintmayor.blogspot.com and http;//www.proffessor-mayowa.blogspot.com
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payments instantly.">
TRAINING YOUR DOG THE RIGHT WAY....by Mayowa Alabi http://www.mistermayowa.blogspot.com
This article will look at each technique in more detail to help you decide which training technique is right for you and your dog. Training your dog is very important if you want to have a well behaved dog. Your dog is a member of the family and like other members of the family he must learn the rules of the household. There are basically three techniques for training your dog. They are the traditional dog training, positive reinforcement training and mixed training techniques.
The traditional training techniques have been around since World War I because it was developed to train war dogs. This type of training employs the techniques of negative reinforcement and punishment. Shock collars or prong collars are frequently used in this type of training. The traditional techniques have the advantage of giving consistent results. However, each dog has their own personality and you must be careful when you use these techniques because you could end up with a dog that bites you or becomes scared of you. This is not the goal in dog training. The goal is to get your dog to obey your commands.
The next type of dog training is the positive reinforcement method. This method involves rewarding the dog every time he exhibits the correct behavior. When he sits on command you will praise him and give him a treat. If he doesn't sit when commanded you do nothing. Some dog trainers swear by positive reinforcement techniques. They say the dog learns faster and more consistently with this type of training. A method that is popular to use in conjuction with positive reinforcement is clicker training. A clicker is a device that makes a "clicking" sound when squeezed. The clicker is used to mark the exact moment the dog performed the desired behavior. This type of training is enjoyable for both the owner and the dog.
The third popular dog training technique is the mixed training technique which is a combination of negative and positive reinforcement. This type of training is used frequently to train dogs for specific roles, such as attack dogs or protection dogs.
Another method that is coming to light is the use of canine ethology. This is not really classified as training, but is based upon the natural behaviors of the dog. The premise is to assert yourself as the leader of the pack. You must become the alpha dog whom all the other dogs in the pack submit to. This is done through proper body language and sounds. There is no concrete evidence that this works and more studies need to be performed.
It is very important that you know what you are doing before you start any dog training program. Get a few good dog training books written by someone who has been in the business for awhile. Follow the advice in the books and keep your training sessions short and consistent. Most of all, show your dog love and affection.
contributed by Mayowa olufemi Alabi http://www.saintmayor.blogspot.com and http;//www.proffessor-mayowa.blogspot.com
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